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Disco Inferno: A Night at Studio 54By Surfergirl and Yingyang
Julian & Ivy were in back of a black limo, cruising through the streets of New York. Julian poured himself a large glass of brandy. "A drink, my pet?" he asked Ivy. "Yes, please! If I'm stuck in the back of this car with you, my darling, I need something to take the edge off." Ivy spat out, rubbing her head. "Oh light of my life, another headache? Perhaps we should invest in the Bayer aspirin company, with your endless headaches, the stocks would soar and we would be even wealthier!" Ivy glared at Julian "Is that all you care about Julian.... Money?!" "Why yes, my dear, that is all I care about....besides trying to woo my lovely and oh-so frigid wife into my bed." Julian whispered softly, rubbing his hand up Ivy's thigh. "Get your hands off me, Julian. I wouldn't let you or Lil' Julian near me with a ten foot pole!", Ivy yelled, adding "You vile pig!" for good measure. Julian sighed loudly, he was tired of his wife denying him her pleasure. He glanced at Ivy sitting next to him and felt his heart skip a beat. She was a striking beauty with a body that was meant to be ravished over & over again. He wanted her....he couldn't deny that. Now if only, she would want him to. "Are we going back to the hotel, husband dear? Separate rooms, of course!" Ivy informed him. Julian rolled his eyes, as if I expected anything less from my cold-hearted wifey! Julian thought to himself. "No, darling! Since you don't know the first thing about keeping your husband entertained in the bedroom, I thought we...." Ivy interrupted him "How dare you Julian! The few times we spent in bed (((Ivy shuddered))) you were more than entertained, in fact you couldn't seem to get enough of me." Ivy said smugly. Julian laughed "Oh so true, my dear, you are an intoxicating beauty and I won't deny that I find you to be the most beautiful, tantalizing woman I have ever laid eyes on. Your nimble body pressed against mine, your moans of passion. Oh yes, my love, those few precious times we spent in bed were memorable. You are a fire I can't put out." Julian said, licking his lips. Ivy shivered in her seat, remembering the feel of Julian's lips on her body.... he would be delicious, if he wasn't such a pig, Ivy thought to herself. "Dearest one, I have an idea for a fun night out on the town!" Julian said, interrupting Ivy's thoughts. "What is that darling? Heading to the shooting range where I can use you for a target?" Ivy asked with glee in her voice. Julian laughed, "Light of my life! Come now, can't we just get along for one night?" Julian asked as he looked her up & down. She was ravishing in a red dress that clung to every delightful curve on her body. "I thought we could liven up New York by showing up at that club, Studio 54, you know give the locals a thrill that a Crane would grace their presence." Julian said. Ivy looked at her watch, it was only 10pm. If she had to be stuck in the limo with Julian for a moment longer, she thought she would throw herself off the Brooklyn Bridge.....head first! "Studio 54? Julie Cartwright was telling me about the place. I hear it's really exclusive. Let's go, darling." Ivy said. Julian kissed Ivy's cheek, happy. He heard the place had a fully stocked bar and he grinned at the thought of drinking his beloved brandy and watching Ivy gyrate her sexy body out on the dance floor. This would be a night to remember Julian thought, winking at Ivy. She raised her eyebrow and glared at Julian coldly. ------ When Julian and Ivy arrived in front of Studio 54, the scene was a mad house. A crowd of people swarmed outside the club. Julian grabbed Ivy's hand and pushed their way through the crowd. As they approached the velvet ropes, the doorman Marc Benecke, held out his hand and stopped the crowd of people. "YOU, in the fur thong, you can come in." The guy surged into the door, dancing in delight. "YOU! the one with the snake around your neck, come join the celebration." The lady squealed in delight and ran through the door. Julian went towards the velvet rope and was strong-armed from taking another step. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Julian demanded. "You can't enter the club." Marc the doorman told Julian, eyeing him with distaste. "Excuse me? Do you know who I am? I am Julian Crane and I am superior to 99.9% of the people you have inside that club!" Julian pronounced boldly. Ivy rolled her eyes. "For GodSakes, I'm a Crane! DAMMIT! I am the life of the party!" Julian said. Marc looked at Julian and threatened to call the cops. "Look buddy, we don't allow losers in the club. GET LOST!" Julian's face turned bright red. HOW DARE HE INSULT A CRANE, Julian thought to himself, "I'll have that local fired on the spot!" Julian stood shaking with rage. Ivy begged him to leave and head back to the Hotel. She didn't want the tabloids to find out they were denied entrance into the hottest nightspot on the East Coast. She'd be the laughing stock of the Harmony social club. Julian refused to leave. As they stood there, Ivy was shocked when she overheard the lady next to her offer to sell her body to the doorman for a ticket in. The doorman looked over the lady and rejected her. Julian glared at Ivy. "I will not be denied access anywhere. We are Crane's, dammit!" Julian grabbed Ivy's arm and pulled her towards the doorman, "Look here, I am Julian Crane and this is my wife. She's my crown jewel, the love of my life. She's lovely isn't she? Look can I trade her for a ticket in?" Ivy couldn't believe her ears. She was LIVID! "What the hell are you talking about JULIAN LINUS CRANE! You cold-hearted bastard! You would sell your wife for a dive like this? For a good time? You disgust me!!!" Ivy hauled off and slapped Julian on the left cheek and than the right! Julian face burned bright red with the sting of Ivy's wrath. Ivy stood off to the side, fuming, staring with pure loathing at her so-called husband. "Who is that bozo you are with? Is that really your husband?" Marc the doorman, asked Ivy. "Heavens no!" Ivy said, turning up her nose in disgust, "I found him wandering the streets of New York looking for a decanter of brandy and felt sorry for him, so I brought him along." Marc laughed, "You can go in, foxy lady, but that clod stays outside with the other rejects!" Ivy made her way past the velvet ropes and hurried into the club leaving a furious Julian in the crowd of humiliated people. She didn't even glance back. Julian was beside himself with anger. "Just who the hell do these locals think they are? Denying ME, Julian Crane, entrance into this shoddy, low-rent shack! I'll see to it that this dump is closed down and destroyed with a wrecking ball" Julian spat out, as he huffed off. He grabbed his flask and went to take a drink and discovered to his horror it was empty. He shuddered at the thought of spending the rest of the evening without his beloved brandy. ------ An hour later, Julian was still standing outside the club, shivering in the night air. "The nerve of that venomous witch Ivy, leaving me out in the cold while she is the club having the time of her life. I won't stand for it!" Julian said, stomping his feet on the ground, like a two year old. Suddenly, Julian noticed a young woman making her way through the crowd carrying what appeared to be a heinous looking cake. "What kind of fruit loop brings a cake to a night club?" Julian thought to himself. He noticed the woman had no eyebrows...they appeared to have been singed off....Perhaps she had a kitchen disaster baking that monstrous looking cake, Julian wondered. Grace Standish stood in line to get into the club. She held her cake proudly, knowing how much Marc the doorman loved her tomato soup concoction. She laughed when she looked around at all the people begging to get in....And here she held her secret weapon in her hand. TSC to the rescue, Grace thought as she chuckled to herself. The lady standing next to Grace inquired why she had brought a cake to the club. Grace explained that she supplied Marc the doorman with Tomato soup cakes and he let her in the club whenever she wanted. Julian's ears perked up upon hearing this. "I must get my hands on that cake!" Julian though to himself, breaking out in a cold sweat. Julian went and stood next to the strange woman. "That's a delicious looking cake," Julian said, cringing slightly, "would you consider selling it to me for $1000? I'm rich you know. I'm a Crane!" Julian said, sticking his chest out, proud as a peacock. "Oh my, are you dangerous? Are you on any medication? Funny you don't look insane," Grace politely inquired, looking intently at Julian, "well now that you mention it you do have a slightly deranged look in your eye, and you seem to be foaming at the mouth. Hmm, I've never met an insane person before." Grace said, backing up. Julian was stunned, "Just who do you think you are? Calling me Insane?! Do you know who I am? Do you know who you are dealing with? You're the one nuttier than a fruit basket. You wacko!" Julian blurted out harshly. Grace looked startled, "Excuse me, but didn't you just tell me you were INSANE! Its not like I go around making up stories about people I don't know!" Julian glared at the cuckoo-lady, his blood pressure rising, "I said I was a CRANE, not I-N-S-A-N-E.... You're the one who belongs in an insane asylum, you babbling lunatic!" Julian screamed out, lunging at the woman, wanting to strangle her. Grace gave him a sharp kick to the groin, and Julian fell over in a heap. ~~~~ Grace looked down at the crazy man lying on the ground and took the heel of her shoe and gave him a swift kick in the arse. "OWWWWWWWWW MOMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYY" Julian yelled out in pain. Julian grabbed at the lady as she attempted to walk away and she came crashing down with a thud. The remnants of the Tomato Soup cake exploding all over the pavement. "My precious cake!" Grace sobbed, "Look what you did, you beast! You killed it! You killed my cake!!!!!" Julian laughed at the woman, "Your precious cake? Well what about my precious behind! Do you realize you damaged Crane property! What if you kicked the ahem family jewels? My wife would never have forgiven you for such treachery!" Grace shook her head, wondering if she was trapped in a crazy nightmare. "Listen Mister, I don't know who you are.....but I'm warning you....stay away from me....or I'll curse those uhh family jewels and they will shrivel up and fall off." Julian eyes bulged out of his head...... "Mommyyyyy" he whispered, "help!", cupping his jewels with his hand. He crawled away from the mad woman, making a quick exit into a darken alley beside the club. ~~~~~~ Julian shivered in the cool night as he made his way down the alley. He wished for the millionth time that he had his precious brandy to keep him warm. "I must find a way into that club. I'll never let the Ice Queen Ivy get the best of me, Julian Crane! The heir to the throne! Why if I had my way, I'd have her beheaded!!" he said to himself. He then noticed a ladder leading up to the roof. Julian climbed the ladder looking for a way into the club. He noticed an airduct and made his way over to it. Suddenly he snubbed his toe on a golf club that on the ground by the air duct, and tripped, causing himself to go falling through the air duct.......
falling........
Crashing through the ceiling, Julian landed head first into a crystal bowl, filled with Brandy punch, set up elegantly on a table. As Julian crashed to the floor, the bowl shattered, spraying the dance floor and Julian's face with Brandy. "Well, we Crane's always knew how to make a splash!" Julian said, grimacing as he got up off the floor, picking the plaster from his hair, he quickly licked the brandy that landed on his face. A crowd of people gathered around Julian, staring at him intently. Julian eyed them warily and headed straight towards the bar, limping slightly. ~~~~~~~ "Bartender, give me a drink......make it a double!" Julian said, sighing loudly, "I blame Ivy for all of this! Why I'll make that heartless witch fly back to Harmony on the broom she came in on! Speaking of that spiteful witch, just where did she go?" Julian wondered, looking around the club and he gulped down the booze. "Hmmm, I bet she's shacking up in the corner with some low-rent local. That's just Ivy's style! I'll make her pay, and pay dearly." Julian sulked off, determined to find his bitter bride. ~~~~ Ivy sat in the corner of the club, mortified by the scene that was taking place in front of her. Half-naked people were dancing and groping each other on the dance floor, lines of cocaine and other drugs were being passed around like candy. "Why do I let that jackass of a husband get me into these predicaments! Arrghhh! How could I have married that clod!" Ivy thought to herself, raising her very shapely eyebrow. "There you are, my pet! Are you having a good time being the bell of the ball? Did some Prince come and sweep you off your perfectly manicured feet or did you spend the last few hours gazing in the mirror?" Julian scoffed. Ivy rolled her eyes. "Oh, well I know you'd turn up sooner or later. You're like the black plague darling, you suck the life out of people." Ivy said, shooting daggers at Julian. "You venomous witch!" Julian spat out, grabbing her arm, "Do you think I liked being deserted out there in the freezing cold. Just what the hell were you thinking? I could've been trampled to death! Just wait til Father gets a wind of this, my pet. He'll have your head on a platter." Julian said, storming off, headed right back to the bar. ~~~~~ A strange looking woman dressed in a rainbow colored shirt, with red, white and blue striped pants came towards him at the bar. Julian noticed the lady was carrying a doll in her arms. Julian's eye bulged out of his head, what is with these locals in New York, he wondered, taking a gulp of his liquor. "Psst, Mister, I see that beautiful lady over there refuses your advances... can't hit a home run, huh? Can't even get to first base?" the lady laughed, goading Julian. Julian glared at the lady, "Well, that ravishing creature just so happens to be my wife and unfortunately she won't even let me up to the plate to swing my bat!" Julian said, sighing loudly, "She's just a tab bit upset with me tonight over a minor incident of me trying to sell her to get into the club. She'll get over it....eventually." Julian said, glumly, taking another gulp of his beloved booze. "Timmy feels sorry for that man, Princess." Timmy whispered to Tabby. "Can Timmy and his princess cast a love spell for them? So they can find ever lasting happiness like in a fairy tale?" Timmy asked, pleading. "TimTim, don't be a fool for love. Those two snobbish blue-bloods don't know the first thing about what its like to be in love." Timmy knew he had to do something. "Princess doesn't believe in true love, but I do... I will help these two fall in love!" Timmy thought happily. ~~~~~~~~ Timmy made his way through the packed club, and slyly walked up to Ivy. When she turned her head, TimTim slipped a *spanish fly* into her drink and recited this ditty.
"He's been a bad boy...
Timmy skipped away, pleased with himself. He had a soft heart for lovers and knew those two, no matter how much they loathed each other, were destined to be together. After finishing her drink, Ivy started feeling groovy as the music washed over her. She noticed Julian sitting glumly at the bar and for some strange reason had an impulse to be near him, to feel him pressed against her. The next thing she knew, they were on the dance floor, getting their groove on. ~~~~
"Shake your groove thing....
Confetti fell from the ceiling as the music pulsated through the club. Ivy gyrated her body against Julian, rubbing against him seductively. His eyes danced in delight as his body moving in rhythm to Ivy's. The people around them swirling on the dance floor. Men in drag, women half naked, celebrities, locals, all dancing to the beat. The temperature started to rise.... "Julian you are so sexy the way you shake it." Ivy said, giggling into Julian's ear. Julian pulled her taunt body closer and licked the sweat that ran down the side of face. "Mmmmmmmm, you are delicious, my sweet, I want to ravish you from head to toe." Julian muttered. Ivy looked deep into Julian's eyes and to her amazement, felt herself respond to Julian. She wanted him, she wanted him badly. Julian slipped his tongue into her moist mouth.... her tongue met his, and an electrical current shot through her body. She felt her knees go weak and leaned against Julian, struggling to maintain control. Julian used this to his advantage and slipped his arm around her waist and pushed her up into the balcony, looking for privacy. They were surprised to see the balcony filled with other couples, gyrating, having sex freely, out in the open....shamelessly. "My kind of place." Julian muttered, staring in wonderment at the erotic scene taking place. Julian turned to Ivy and pulled her into a deep, prolonging kiss. His tongue darting in and out of her mouth. His hands trailing over her curvy body. She undid the buttons on his shirt and tossed it aside...... her hands caressing his chest, roaming over his back and down his buttocks. Julian moaned out loud and slipped Ivy dress off her. They stood there, face to face, basking in their nakedness..... Julian moved forward and pushed Ivy into the wall. He pressed his hard body against hers and grabbed her arms and pinned them to the wall. He buried his face deep into her neck and inhaled her scent. Fully aroused, he started taking tiny bites of Ivy's flesh....taunting her....sucking her silky skin....leaving red marks. Ivy leaned her head back against the wall and tangled her hands into Julian's hair..... "Take me Julian.... take me now....." Ivy moaned, her body trembling against his. Julian lifted Ivy up in the air, with her back still pressed against the wall, and hoisted her onto his hips, thrusting into her......Ivy screamed out in pure ecstasy. Over and over again he thrust into her, as the walls shook with their movement...... the thrusting creating a rhythm all their own. When they were both sated, they pulled away. Ivy overcome with emotion, stepped away from Julian. "What came over us? Why.... what happened.... I mean...... uh.... oh my." Ivy muttered. Julian laughed at Ivy's uneasiness. "What my pet? Didn't you enjoy our tryst? Are you ashamed to admit you actually wanted me?!" Julian said, his eye lighting up with glee. "Julian, it isn't that. It's this place. It's...it's...well.. it's animalistic!" Ivy said, slightly horrified. Julian laughed. "Well my pet, I fit in well in a place like this, I am an animallllll." Julian growled. "You got that right! If I had my way you'd be locked in a cage, in a zoo, far far way from me." Ivy said, raising her eyebrow, slightly shaking from the impact Julian had on her body moments ago. Julian winked at his wife and took notice that she was still standing in the nude. His body flushed with pleasure at the sight. He leaned over to a near by table and grabbed a glass filled with liquor. He took a long drink of the booze and eyed Ivy. "My sweet, lets look at night as a fresh start! No more cold and lonely nights. No more of me trying to sell you." Julian said, winking at her. Ivy throw up her hands, "DON'T remind me, darling. I still want to have your head on a platter over that." Julian laughed, "But my pet.....you know you are the light of my life. The reason for my being. You are the very air that I breathe.... the..." "Enough Julian. You are giving me another headache." Ivy said, coolly, "I want to get dressed and get out of this house of horrors!" Julian finished the drink and set down the glass near a table and chair. He knew that once Ivy left the club that would be no hope for wooing her back in his bed and he had to feel himself inside her once more. He walked over to Ivy and took her in his arms...... Julian held Ivy tightly against him, he lowered himself into a chair and pulled Ivy on top of him. She moaned as their bodies made contact. She swayed to the music that was pulsating through the club, sending shock waves coursing through Julian's body, as her body rocked over his, giving 'lil Julian the ride of his life. In the heat of passion, Julian reached for his glass and pulled out an ice cube........he put the ice cube on Ivy's lips, and had it trail over her neck, her shoulders, and down to her tantalizing breast. He rubbed the ice cube over Ivy's nibbles...Ivy gasped as the cold ice touched the sensitive area. Julian then leaned forward and nibbled on the erect nipple, causing Ivy to shudder and moan his name over and over again. Their lovemaking continued in a frenzy pace until orgasmic waves of pure bliss shook their bodies to the core. ~*~ Ivy closed her eyes and leaned against Julian's chest, basking in the afterglow of their passionate, earth shattering encounter. Julian stroked Ivy's hair, as his eyes darted around the room, eyeing the couples in various stages of sex. "My pet! You were ferocious tonight! MEOW!!!!!" Julian said, teasingly. "Mmmmmm. OH Julian, why can't every night be like this?" "Well, that's a simple answer my darling. You don't allow me to step foot into that iceberg you call a bedroom." "Julian, don't start pushing my buttons." Ivy threatened, standing up to get dressed. "Dearest one, don't get your panties in a twist!", Julian said, "besides I'm sure you enjoyed me servicing you tonight." He then noticed a foxy brunette in a maid uniform, walking by and he smiled at her sweetly. Ivy noticed Julian staring at the brunette and rolled her eyes in disgust. "You are a disgusting slime ball, Julian! I don't know what came over to me tonight but you can be sure hell will freeze over before I allow you back in my bed!" Ivy yelled out, grabbing his clothes as she headed for the stairs, determined to get as far from him as she could. "Ivyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Bring back my clothes this instant!" Julian screamed out. ~~~~~ Steam rose from Julian's ears. Now what the hell am I to do? he thought, looking around for a towel or something else to wrap around his body. To his horror, he noticed the freaky looking woman he fought with outside the club with a muscular black man. Julian noticed they were getting their groove on in the corner. The lady was making high-pitched screeching noises and muttering "TC, give it to me. Come on Big Daddy", as she clutched at his buttocks, the disco music blending with their passionate moans. Julian looked down and noticed the man had ditched his fur thong in the heat of passion. It gave Julian an idea. He slid up beside them and slipped the fur thong on. The couple continued their sex act, oblivious to Julian. "Now, I must get out of here before Father hears of this and reads me the riot act!" Julian muttered to himself, as he headed down the stairs. ~~~ As Julian made this way through the crowd, he noticed people staring at him in the thong. He quickly began strutting his stuff on the dance floor, gyrating his hips, throughly enjoying the attention the fur thong was giving him.
"Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother,
As the BeeGee's song vibrated through the club, a crowd gathered around Julian, clapping and encouraging him on.... "Nice thong, man!" the foxy young brunette in the maid uniform screamed out to him. "Fur is SO in" a thin, daper gentleman with gold teeth yelled out. Just then, a lovely, six foot six amazon woman, came up to Julian on the dance floor and squeezed his butt... "You sexy thing, you!" she muttered. Julian eyes lit up. "This thong is a babe magnet." Julian thought to himself, as the gave the woman his best Crane smile. "Care to buy me a drink, my jungle bunny?" Julian asked the striking woman. The woman put her arm around Julian, as they headed to the bar. She glided Julian into the opposite direction and started headed up to the balcony. Julian grinned. "For now on this will be my Lucky thong" Julian thought as he glanced at the foxy lady who was leading him into temptation. "Hey little boy, do you want some candy?" the lady asked, as she turned to Julian. The voice sounded a quite masculine, but Julian thought his alcohol soaked brain was playing tricks with him. "Listen foxy mama, you are truly tempting but I must get myself a drink before 'lil Julian' comes out to play." Julian said, pulling away from the lady. In his world, booze always came first! The lady leaned forward and brushed against Julian.... "What the hell? Could she be? NO WAY! Perhaps I am drunk and it's just my imagination, my head playing tricks on me." Julian questioned himself then he felt it again "Maybe not!" Julian pulled away and looked down and he wasn't delirious, the tight latex-like neon purple pants helped him see this woman was rather bulky *down there*. It's true.......Julian had been hit on by a man! A drag queen! "OH my GOD! It's a man! I've been used!" Julian screamed out in horror and started running as fast as he could down the steps leading to the main floor. ~~~~~~~ As Julian made his exit out of the club, Julian was confronted by the muscular black man, who at the moment was frothing at the mouth. "That's my Thong, You wimpy bastard. Who do you think you are! Give it to me now or I'll crush your head like a grape!!!!" the man screamed out, grabbing at the thong. Julian trembled like a leaf. "How dare you! You freakin' mad man! This is MY thong.... I found it and its Mine!" Julian said, pouting, eyeing the black man out of the corner of his eye. "I'll rip you from limp to limp if you don't give me my fur thong." the black man said, with his fists swinging wildly. Grace came up and grabbed at his arm, "T.C., watch out!!!! This man attacked me outside the club. He's an escaped mental patient. Don't get hurt. I need you, big daddy!" The bartender noticed the scene was getting out of control and called the cops. Within a matter of five minutes, Rookie cop Sam Bennett arrived at the scene and took down T.C.'s complaint and interviewed witnesses, he then approached Julian. "Sir, according to this gentlemen, you stole the thong from him and now you must give it back to him." Sam said forcefully. "I think not! Who says this thong belongs to this man? Does it have his name on it? I can assure you this is my lucky thong. In fact, my lovely wife gave it to me for a christmas present. See my wife is somewhat kinky and enjoys playing 'Me Tarzan, You Jane' with me...she even swings around on vines!" Julian declared, hoping a lightning bolt wouldn't strike him dead for lying so blatantly. "Sir, according to witnesses this man wore this fur thong into the club. If you refuse to return it then I have to choice but to arrest you." Sam pulled out the handcuff and cuffed his right hand, saying "You have the right to remain silent......." "Alright! Shut up and unshackle me you fool! I'll tell you what, I'll pay that local a few thousand dollars to shut you and him up" Julian said, furious with the shaddy treatment he was receiving. "Oh now you want to bribe? No can do sir, I am taking you to the station." After cuffing Julian's other hand, he led him out of the club, telling T.C. he would have to sue Julian in court to get his Fur thong back. T.C. vowed he'd do anything to get his beloved Fur Thong back! Grace and T.C. followed Sam out of the club as he led Julian into the cruiser. Just then, a tabloid reporter jumped out of the bushes and snapped a picture of Julian being led away in handcuffs. "Ah justice is served" T.C. sighed with relief, "I hope that babbling drunk spends the rest of his life in jail!" As the cruiser with Sam and Julian sped off slowly, it dawned on Grace that some how the rookie cop forgot to get T.C.'s name in case he was was needed down at the station later to claim his thong. Grace attemped to run after the cruiser and ran out into the street, screaming at them to stop. Just then, a colorful hippie bus headed right into her path and mowed her down. (The driver was confirmed to be none other than Mandy Moonbeam of Woodstock Fame!) T.C. watched as Grace was rushed to the hospital and that was the last time he would see her, for many, many years to come. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Julian arrived at the jail, fuming, as he was booked for thief! As he made his way down the hall, a 400 pound, mean looking bully, in his cell, called out "Nice thong, hon." Julian started shaking like a leaf, "Who is that?" Julian asked, fear evident in his eyes. "That's Big Bertha! He's the welcoming committee." the cop told Julian. Julian eyes filled with tears, "You aren't going to put me in a cell with that very scary man! PLEASE don't.... I'm begging you! I'm a Crane!!!! I don't deserve this shoddy kind of treatment." "Quit your rambling, you're just a common thief", the cop said to Julian, pulling him down the hall way. "Do I at least get one phone call? I need to call in the marines or something!" Julian proclaimed. ~~~~~ Ivy was in the hotel room, dining on chocolate strawberries and champagne, when the phone rang. "Hello?" "Ivy, you have to bail me out" "Bail you out? Julian is this you?" Ivy said, arching her eyebrow. "Well who else would it be, my pet? The poolman? It's me, your beloved husband. The man you just had hot sex with in the club. I'm being booked into the county jail and I need your help immediately!" "Oh Lord! What did you do now Julian?" Ivy said, rolling her eyes. "IVY!! This is a matter of life and death. I am being accused of stealing some madman's thong. And this is ALL YOUR FAULT IVY! How dare you take away my clothes, you venomous witch! I'm telling Father on you!" "My fault Julian? Why do you blame me for all your failures Julian. You are the incomptent Ass! and did you really steal someone's thong?" Ivy asked, giggling. "Ivy, I assure you this is no joke! If you don't bail me out soon I am going to die at the hands of Big Bertha!" "Big who?" "Big Bertha! My point is you need to get down here and bail me out as soon as possible!" "Fine Julian, I'll come down and bail you out tomorrow" "No, you witch! Now!" "I am exhausted Julian and I have booked myself an early morning seaweed wrap and I don't want me spend the rest of my night trying to bail my no-good, drunken, belligerent, jackass of a husband out of jail. I must get my beauty sleep, darling. Do sleep well and give Big Bertha a kiss for me!" Ivy hung up on Julian, unplugged the phone, and went to bed. ~~~~~ Early the next morning, Ivy and Pilar, were eating breakfast. Ivy often had Pilar travel with her, as dealing with Julian on her own was much to tiresome. As they drank their coffee, Pilar glanced at the newspaper..... "Dios Mio! This is a disaster!!!", Pilar screamed out, showing Ivy the headlines in bold text, with a picture of Julian being led away in handcuffs: "CRANE HEIR TRIED TO SELL HIS WIFE AT STUDIO 54 AND WAS CAUGHT IN A FUR THONG!!" Ivy took one look at the headlines and crashed to the floor in a dead faint! ~~~~~ Pilar knelt down by Ivy, "Mrs. Crane! Wake up! Dios Mio! What are we going to do?" Pilar thought, as she fanned Ivy. "Owwww, my head." Ivy said, as she got up off the floor, "What happened?" "It's a disaster, Mrs. Crane. It seems Mr. Crane has made a laughing stock out of the Crane name!" Once again, showing Ivy the headlines. "CRANE HEIR TRIED TO SELL HIS WIFE AT STUDIO 54 AND WAS CAUGHT IN A FUR THONG!!" Ivy took one look at the headline and fainted again. "Dios Mio! Will this ever end?" Pilar said, rolling her eyes, as she fanned Ivy once again. ~~~~~~ Later that morning, Ivy made her way over to the county jail to get Julian. She wondered what will happen when Allister catches wind of Julian's latest antics. "Perhaps Allister will banish Julian to Siberia!" Ivy thought, with glee. Julian was none to pleased when Ivy picked him up. He had no idea about the headlines, and Ivy decided not to tell him, knowing that once Allister got his hands on Julian, all hell would break loose and she'd have a ring side seat. She smiled at the thought. ~~~~~ Julian glared at Ivy the entire trip to the airport. As they prepared to board the DC-10, Ivy informed him coolly, that he would be sitting in Pilar's seat and that Pilar would be sitting beside her, in first class. Julian made his his way back to the coach section, he sat down and shuddered. "How dare Ivy force me, Julian Crane, to sit in COACH! What would Father think? I swear from this day forward I will make that Ice Queen's life a living hell for all the heartache she has caused me this weekend." Just then, a young kid, who had a striking remesblence to a doll, came forward and asked for Julian's autograph.... "My autograph? Why mine?" Julian asked, perplexed. "Well Sir, dont' you know. You're famous!!!! Won't you sign my newspaper?" Julian's eyes bulged out of the socket at his picture being splashed across the front cover of the New York Times. "My God, Father will kill me!" He hissed at the little kid, "GET LOST!" Suddenly a little old lady pointed at Julian and said "Look, its the man who tried to sell his wife in the black market!" Everyone in coach turned to stare at Julian. Julian got nervous and headed to the front of the plane, ducking into the pilot's cabin. "Who the hell are you?" the pilot asked. "I'm Julian Crane and there is a mob after me out there in the coach section. I need to hide out. Do you mind?" The pilot sighed, wondering why those passengers in the coach section always seemed to find him and complain about something. "Take a seat, Sir." Julian sat down, and asked the pilot, "Will the stewardess serve us some booze?" Julian asked, going through brandy withdrawls. "Booze, I can't drink while I'm flying the plane, You IDIOT!" "Well, I don't mind drinking alone." Julian proclaimed. "Look, no booze allowed in the cabin. Why don't you have a piece of this left over cake from a flight that arrived on Friday.", Julian glanced down at the cake and shuddered. It had a strange resemblance to the Tomato Soup cake he fought over at the club. "Argh! That cake looks like it got reguratated by a dreaded local." Suddenly, the pilot's face turned a bright red with splotches, and slumped to the floor, suffering from a severe case of food (cake) poisoning. The plane took a nose dive............. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ "Pilar, my God, what is happening? The plane is crashing. WE're gonna die!" Ivy said. Pilar began praying. Suddenly the plane was steady and a voice came over the intercom, "This is your pilot, Capt. Crane, I've got the situation under control so you dreaded locals don't have to worry about crashing." Julian spoke calmly. "Uh, stewardess, I'm a bit thirsty, can you bring me a brandy while I try to land this bird!" "Pilar, is that Julian's voice? He's up there in the cock pit? Julian is the bloody pilot! OH god we're going to die sooner than we think" Ivy said. "Dios Mio! This is a disaster!" Pilar blurted out. Pilar and Ivy quickly glanced at each other and proceed to fall over in a dead faint. ~~~~~~~~~~ "Ivy, wake up! Ivyyyyy, wake up this instant. I demand you wake up." Julian yelled out, slapping Ivy in the face over & over again, as she laid out in the back of the limousine. "Ouch! What the hell are you doing?" Ivy said, opening her eyes. She saw Julian stand over her and thought "Omg, I've died and I'm stuck in eternity with Julian." Ivy started blubbering. "For Gods Sake woman, get a hold of yourself. You're alive. I landed the plane and saved everyone lives. I'm a HERO!!!!!" Julian said, puffing out his chest, proud as a peacock." "YOU saved us? I can't believe it. Julian Crane finally does something good for humanity. Julian, where is Pilar?" Ivy asked, looking outside the window of the limo. "Oh, her, well she fainted so I left her passed out on the plane." "Julian how could you!" "You didn't expect me to carry her off the plane now did you? I'm sure she can fend for herself.....uhh, once she comes to." Julian said, smiling. "But look darling, I did manage to grab a few bottles of booze. Can I pour you a drink, sweet-ums?" "Julian, you know what you can do!!! You can go straight to hell." Julian shugged his shoulders and said "Well darling, dont' mind me." Julian poured himself a large glass of brandy as the limo headed back to Harmony.
~~~~20 years later~~~~~ One Saturday night, Timmy and Tabby whipped up a batch of martimmy's and proceed to gossip about the latest happenings in Harmony, in particular, the arrival of stranger, who's presense held a deep secret. "Who is he, Tabby?" TimTim asked. "To answer that question TimTim, we must take a trip down memory lane....to way back in the 70's.....when we used to hang out at that swingin' night club, Studio 54..." "Timmy remembers that Princess! What fun we used to have!" "You know TimTim, even though you slipped that spanish fly into Ivy's drink that night and Julian & Ivy got it on...they are still miserable today, nothing's changed." Tabby's bracelets made a cackling sounds as she rubbed her hands together because she was overcome with excitement when she remembered another couple that was at studio 54 the very same night the Cranes were. They are none other than the respected citizens of Harmony today, goody two-shoes Grace Bennett and the hot tempered T.C. Russell. Who knew they would both end up in Harmony again. "Grace, of course, has no memory of that evening" Tabby said, with glee. "That's right Princess! When that hippie bus ran over poor Grace she lost her memory!" "Yes, TimTim. That is what I'm telling you! And a secret will be revealed very soon that rock the residents of Harmony! Lives will be destroyed TimTim!" Tabby shouted, in delight. "How Princess, how will the secret be revealed?" "The scrolls tell me very soon someone will discover T.C.'s shed and once the contents of that shed is revealed TimTim, their lives will never be the same!" "What's in the shed Princess? Why does T.C. keep it locked up?" "TimTim, inside T.C.'s shed is a shrine to the most annoying band from the '70s, ABBA. Also, hanging on a wire coat hanger is the very fur thong that Julian Crane once stole and got arrested for. As you know TimTim, T.C. has always held a grudge against Julian over that ratty fur thong....and TimTim, inside that shed, along with the ABBA memorabilia is a Polaroid picture of him and Grace at Studio 54, naked and in each others arms." "Oh Princess, but what does that have to with the stranger that just showed up?" "Do you have rocks in your head, dollface? Don't you see, this stranger who goes by the name of Chad Harris, has come to Harmony looking for his birth parents, and he will soon discover he was conceived that very night, at Studio 54, when Disco Music reigned supreme........ Chad Harris is none other than T.C. and Grace's love child...." "Holy Smokes, Princess! Oh no! Grace & T.C. had a child together? What will happen when the secret is revealed? What will Eve and Sam do?" "TimTim, it will be nothing but heartache and misery for those two, Eve will go insane and leave Harmony, where she will end up in a crummy little town, working part-time for a manufacturing company that makes chrome pipes and at night she works at an escort service. And Sam.....Poor Sam will end up perishing in a tanning booth mishap when the entire place goes up in smoke, after his tears cause an electrical explosion! T.C. and Grace will reunite when they dance at Sam's wake, and fall in love when someone throws in on old ABBA record." "Oh Princess, Timmy feels awful. But what will happen to Julian & Ivy?" "Oh TimTim, my boy. Their adventures are just beginning! It will be nothing but booze, mayhem, and mischievous for those two! Just you wait and see, dollface......"
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