JUVY 101 Updated 11-22-01...if you have quotes to contribute to this page, email me! All right, credit where credit is due, this page was Surfergirl's idea. LOL Please email me with your favorite JUVY quotes! Julian: "In a room full of naked women I'd know your body blindfolded." Julian: "Your idea of roughing it is no room service at the Ritz. Living in a house no bigger than your dressing room, deciding which bills not to pay this month, oh that is the life." Ivy: "Oh you really are an elitist snob." Julian: "Why don't you go put up some mistletoe, maybe we'll get lucky tonight." Ivy: "It would take much more than mistletoe to get me with in 10 feet of you!" Ivy: "What is this? Some kind of vulgar sex game?" Julian: "If it were a sex game, I'd hardly be playing it with you, my frigid, humorless wife!" Julian: "You called, light of my life?" Ivy: "You know, most men come home stinking drunk, you managed to come in just stinking." Julian: "What's the matter, darling? Your hairdresser leave you for another man?" Ivy: "First of all, you don't know how to have fun. Second of all, surprise surprise, you have no friends!" Julian: "Good morning, sunshine. I trust you slept well." Ivy: "I'll leave you to your tongue-lashing, dear." Julian: "I'll huff and I'll puff darling!" Julian: "SLUUUUUUUUUUT! Ivy is a SLUUUUUUUUUUUUT!" Ivy: "Did you and one of your maids scale Mount Everest last night?" Julian: "I know you don't love me, I have no delusions about that. But we satisfied each other in bed. We more than satisfied each other. The truth is, we used to light up the sky..." Ivy: "You don't love me, you never even tried!" Julian: "You never gave me a chance!" Julian: "You're planning on charming the mayor so he'll come up with a law banishing me from Harmony?" Ivy: " No, I already tried that and unfortunately he couldn't get such a law passed." Julian: "I assume once you taste Grace's Tomato Soup Cake you'll call her a culinary genius huh?" Julian: "What is this sudden interest in consorting with the locals? You've always avoid them like the plague." Julian: "You've aroused my curiousity tonight Ivy. Of course you haven't aroused anything of mine in years." Julian: "I am Julian Crane and I am superior to 99.9% of the people on this earth." Ivy: "You might want to try working out Julian and get rid of that spare tire you developed." Julian: "I'd be damned if Ethan marries that Evita in training." Julian: "My god...the help is playing dress up?" Julian: "I will speak to my bitter half any way I damn well please." Ivy: "Hold your breath." Julian: "I am calling from down under and I don't mean Australia." Julian: "I am sure there are people looking out for Manuel." Julian: "Ivy, you're pregnant?" Ivy: "How would I ever achieve that state? Immaculate conception?" Ivy: "There's an old Chinese proverb that says 'man with fake accent is a man with secrets'." Julian: "There's another old Chinese proverb that says 'wife like you can go to hell'." Julian: "I'd like to make a toast." Ivy: "To our continuous happy marriage?" Julian: "Your secret is keeping you up my poisonous Ivy?" Ivy: "Well well don't you look like the cat that swallowed the canary?" Julian: "What makes you say that?" Ivy: "Feather in your teeth, it's a dead giveaway." Julian: "What kind of sick game is this?" Ivy: "Oh, I thought you love games, I mean if you are not eating some then you're playing one." Ivy: "I'd like you to arrest my husband on the charges of breaking and entering, and for just being a total jackass!" Julian: "I'll have your whole house remodeled Pilar, with lights that clap on and clap off. Sky's the limit!" Julian: "Eve.....she put the X in X-rated." Julian: "Why are you spying on the locals? Don't tell me you came to steal Grace's Tomato Soup Cake recipe." Ivy: "A litle bit edgy this moring aren't we?" Julian: "Why don't you go back and flirt with your personal trainer?" Ivy: "I'll do whatever the hell I want to do." Julian: "Yes you do, that's one of the things that excites me after all these years. Your fire, your passion, scent, the feel of your skin and the ecstacy it surrenders in my arms." Ivy: "That was over...a long time ago Julian." Julian: "I felt you respond, you miss it. I've wondered how you could go so long without a man." Ivy: "With a man like you....it's easy." Rebecca: "What's next? Are you going to let Julian run off with Pilar?" Ivy: "Of course not, I'd never do that to Pilar." Ivy: "If you don't come with me this instant, little Julian will never rise and shine again!" Julian: "You toss that word around so easily." Ivy: "What word?" Julian: "Wife. You haven't been a wife to me in ages. You haven't been in my bedroom for years except to take a shot at me." Ivy: "Really Julian, the gun was loaded with blanks. And as I recall, you weren't alone. The upstairs maid was with you, or was she the downstairs maid? Whichever. She was very contientious, busy dusting under the covers." Julian: "Oh Boo Hoo! Poor little rich girl. Poor little SLUT! Got knocked up by a townie, and pretended the son was a Crane!" Ivy: "My god, I've run out of adjectives to call you!" Ivy: "Get the hell out of my bed Rebecca! If you want to sleep with my husband, fine. BOINK YOUR BRAINS OUT! But have the decency to do it in Julian's room. Ugh, now I'm going to have to have these sheets burned!" Ivy: "How dare that brazen hussy think she can kick me out of my own home?!" Ivy: "How's this for a color scheme, Rebecca? You, BLACK AND BLUE ALL OVER!" Ivy: (To Rebecca) "I will rip every piece of poorly colored hair out of your head, strand by strand." Julian: "They should have had the sense to get out before the house of shoddy workmanship caught up with them...then again, perhaps the inferno was caused by one of Grace's Tomato Soup Cakes exploding in the oven." Julian: "Strike a nerve Chief Bennett? Are you getting ready to dump the little lady for the sexy blonde?" Julian: "How very New Millennium... My wife's ex-lover calls my house to ask my wife out on a date." Julian: "Well, you know what they say - All work and no play makes Julian a dull boy." Julian: "Did I just hear my name taken in vain?" Julian: "Shouldn`t you be in the water with the other maneaters?" Julian: "Oh, is that so? The idea of you throwing something for me instead of at me?" Ivy: "You hypocritical bastard" Julian: "You two-timing trollop" Ivy (to Eve): "Unfortunately, my husband knows how to make a complete ass of himself when he's dead sober." Ivy: "Well, this is a familiar sight..Julian propping up a bar." Julian: "The Cranes have to wait for a table? The world`s going to hell in a hand basket!" Julian: "Oh no, no, dearest one. Today I've taken care two old but rather irrating private issues." Ivy: "Thats wonderful! You've done something about the size of your ego and the size of your.... (she looks down at points at LITTLE Julian) Julian: "MMMMM, I like it. (her dress.) I like whats under it even better. No one would guess you're the mother of four Ivy. You've never looked better." Ivy: "Well I'll take the compliment Julian but I have no interest in where this is headed." Julian: "Well you seemed to be interested enough yesterday." Ivy: "Hmm, a momentary lapse of sanity. Forget about it Julian, it's never gonna happen." Julian: "Come on Ivy.... I know whats under that icy interior. Just like I know what's under that dress. (licks his lips) There's a fire burning just waiting to be rekindled" Ivy: "Go to hell Julian" Julian: "I still remember every curve of your body...the way you'd arch your back..." In Hidden Passions ~ Ivy's father offers Julian a cocktail, he turns it down. Julian: "I would be driving your precious daughter around and wouldn't dream of taking a chance on being less than feeling alert behind the wheel." Hidden Passions ~ Page 170 "I love Ivy Winthrop!" he cried to the crowd on the shore. "Julian! Stop!" "No! You can't stop love, Ivy. It just happens." Julian: "And You, my lying slut of a wife will end up turning tricks for pocket change at the Rest Stops on the Interstate!" Ivy: "Oh, What the Hell! I am going to be the sexiest widow Harmony's ever seen!" Julian: "Hewwo, I calling, um, about order Woman of house just placed. She want one order eggroll or two order eggroll?" Julian: "Oh, you're hiding something my little sea serpent....make no mistake....I will find out." Ivy: "You lousy bastard! You thought I was your slut ex-maid!" Julian: "So what if I did.. don't tell me you thought you were mkaing love to me... god forbid you'd ever kiss your husband in such a passionate way!" Julian: "Come on.. the cat got your hot-to-trollop tongue!" Julian: "Not that there's any problem with my libido...god knows we Cranes are a potent lot!" Ivy: "Don't tell me about slumming when you brought that slut ex-maid to polish your knicknacks." Julian: "I think you want me baby...I think you want me bad!" Julian: "You look ravishing." Julian: "There's so much fun to be had together if we could just leave the past buried." Julian: "You missed Ivy." Ivy: "I wouldn't waste good bullets on you Julian. They were blanks." Ivy: "I would appreciate it if you would knock before entering my bedroom Julian." Julian: "Oh so sorry Ivy. Perhaps you would prefer if I sent an emissary first to negotiate a cease fire." Ivy: "I would prefer if you dropped dead." Julian: "Sorry can't oblige." Ivy: "What do you want?" Julian: "What would you say if I told you I come to insist on my conjugal rights?" (raises his eyebrow) Ivy laughs Julian: "Don't worry about it darling... far be it to me to ruin years of tradition." Ethan: "Calm down Father.... you're going to have a coronary." Ivy: (smirking) "Oh do go on Julian." Julian: "I'm in no mood to play 'Let's Provoke Julian' today." Ivy: "Pity. It's my favorite game!" Julian: "Are you now denying your husband drink as well as your charms wife dear?" Ivy: "Oh, you can drink yourself to death for all I care." Ivy: "You disgust me!" Julian: "Spare me your three-penny operatics Ivy." Ivy: "Lord you've been drinking and it isn't even noon!" Julian: "Lets just hope Gwen makes Ethan a more realistic Crane wife than you ever made me." Ivy: "Go to hell!" Julian: "We've been married for god knows how many miserable years." Ivy: "Too many!" Ivy: "My son will never be the amoral yard dog that you try to cover up with your expensive suits!" Julian: "Amoral yard dog.... (laughs) oh now she's getting vicious!" Julian: "My pet" Ivy: "Perhaps I should let Alistair know what an incompetent his son is as if he doesn't already. Mmm how delicious.... you without power. To watch you grovel and beg for anything Ethan and I will allow you to have. Perhaps we'll let you manage the Cannery." Julian: "Don't you have flowers to arrange? Or servants to fire?" Julian: "Ivy you sound almost warm blooded.... are you ok?" Julian: "And life for the Crane's would end as we know it. Is that what you want my peppered shrew of a wife?" Ivy: "A vampire is more likely to get a sun tan than for you to tell the truth." Julian: "Don't speak ill of your family dear." Julian: "What an active imagination you have my sweet. It's a pity you don't use it with me in bed." Julian: "You stay home tonight instead of going to the Bennetts.... I'll give you a xmas present you'll never forget" (touching her hair and then kissing her neck) Ivy: "Why don't you just leave your present under the tree, as usual." Julian: "your loss" Julian singing: "Joy to the world.....eggnog has come" as he pours a gallon of booze in the eggnog. Ivy: "I suggest you stop acting like the spoiled man-child you are." Julian: "My bitter bride." Julian: "Pour you a drink sweet-ums?" Julian: "Women around here are trying to kill me." Ivy: "Uh, is there any way we can speed up the process?" Ivy: "What's in it for you? I know you Julian. Your middle name is ulterior motive" Julian: "Since when did you befriend anyone nice? That set you run with are elitist snobs and veridic backstabbers." Ivy: "Well you just described yourself...and I loathe you." Julian: "Well I know you like to think you do my little sweetie pie but you got a fire in there I can still ignite." Ivy: "I'm really not in the mood for games this morning Julian." Julian laughs. Julian: "What...have you been nipping at the communal egg nog, darling?" Ivy: "If you don't want Sheridan to know about the Luis imposter I suggest you put on your best toothpaste grin and go change." Julian: "Do you think I enjoy coming to this side of the tracks where the houses reek of vinyl siding and plastic lawn elves?" Julian: "Best keep our voices down...we wouldn't want to delusion the two love birds." Ivy: "Go to hell!" Julian: "Touchy this morning. Keeping secrets? Those could be bad for your health" Ivy: "What about your secrets Julian? I'm sure there a few you don't want me to uncover." Julian: "Ohhh, a tit for tat! A race to uncover what the others hiding first! The winner takes all!" Ivy smiles and raises her eyebrow! Ivy: "I know that bird statue exists and when I find it I'm gonna have you eating out of the palm of my hand." Julian: "Don't hold your breath darling. On second thought.. DO!" Ivy: "I can think of worst fates than being your widow." Julian: "Go to hell Ivy!" Ivy: "Oh, hey cowboy....don't forget your pistol." Ethan: "Look it is not fair the way you treat mother. She's a good decent woman." Julian: "Oh yeah, she's perfect...able to leap tall buildings and go without sex for years on end...they should name a church after her 'A Lady of Perpetual Celibacy.'" Julian: "Don't tell me the spa sent you home suggesting you'd get more out of a night of hot passionate sex with your husband than a seaweed wrap?" Ivy: (laughs) "Hardly...though if they had I would have told them what one I would find more tempting and it wouldn't have been you." Ivy: "You are truly revolting!" Julian: "I'll nail your hide to the wall. I'll strip you of all your perks and privileges." Ivy: "Would you really do that?" Julian: "With relish..." Julian "Oh my god, you're still alive?" Ivy "Alive and breathing fire" Julian "You mean I wasted a bouquet of flowers on you?" Ivy: "I can think of worse fates than being your widow." Julian: "Go to hell Ivy!" Julian "You're awefully smug for someone who's hiding something." Ivy "I thought my contempt of you was obvious" Ivy "If you're going to have a heart attack at least wait until I already left for my ski trip" Julian "The dreary boy kept looking at me as if I was going to give him an Christmas tip" Ivy "He must be new to Harmony because we all know you are as tight as they come." Julian "I feel as if someone's walking over my grave." Ivy "If you need volunteers, I'll be the first in line" Julian: "Thank you for being so generous with my money." Ivy: "Well at least you're well endowed with something." (Julian gives Ivy a snide look) Julian: "Who was your first love Ivy? A king? A movie star? Your mirror?" Ivy: "Go to hell, Julian!" Julian "Where are the servants? My god I have to answer my own door." Ivy "Just answer the door Julian, it's the only excercise you're gonna get this week" Julian "You got me!" Ivy "THE BOOBY PRIZE!" Julian: "What the hell was that for?" Ivy: "You are a bloody coward Julian. You would of left me there to die." Julian: "Oh darling, sweetheart, light of my life.. you have always been able to take care of yourself!" Ivy: "LIAR! You poor excuse of a man and I hope you rot in hell!" Julian "I am sure she is fine. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back in there." Sam "Julian, your wife just fainted" Julian "I am sure she will be fine, I am used to Ivy's cheap theatrics." Back to JUVY is Groovy